Chocolate with nuts! Loud House style!
by DarthFlores
Summary: After Lincoln and Clyde read a magazine about rich people, they decide to be chocolate salesmen so they can live the fancy life. Part 4 of the Sponge house one-shots.


**Note I do not own the Loud House, all rights used to go to Chris Savino but with the recent controversy, all rights now go to Nickelodeon and Viacom. I also don't own Spongebob, all rights go to Stephen Hillenburg. It's another Spongebob inspired Loudfic, and today is Chocolate with nuts. Enjoy! ;)**

Lincoln and Clyde are walking up to the Loud House (roll credits) and Lincoln grabs the mail.

"What do you have?" asked Clyde

Lincoln then starts looking through the mail "Let's see, oh yeah, My Ace-Savvy fan club item of the month is here! This month's a key chain, too bad I only have one key. Let's see what else we got here: college applications, pageant entry forms, JR-Nobel prize, Rockers of the world magazine, Fashion Today, Comedians Quarterly, Mortician's Monthly, Sports Magazine, Thumb suckers of the world." Lincoln then went to the last magazine and had an odd look "I don't remember us ever getting this magazine."

"You guys get a lot of Magazines, I hope you recycle." said Clyde

"Hmmm 'Lives of people richer than you' that's odd" Lincoln said "Now who would buy this?"

Lincoln and Clyde then take a look in the magazine "Wow!"

Lincoln and Clyde were looking at the pictures of rich people, "Look at all these rich people." Lincoln then pointed to a picture of a swimming pool "This guy's got a swimming pool in a swimming pool"

"This guy is actually blowing his nose on a hundred dollar bill." Clyde pointed to a picture of a rich guy doing said thing.

Lola then takes the magazine "Give me that, stealing my mail? You're lucky I'm going to keep this under my hat."

"Lola, how do all those people in that magazine get all that money?" asked Lincoln.

"Most of them are entrepreneurs who sell things." replied Lola.

"Like what?" asked Clyde

"How am I supposed to know?" asked Lola "Things people wanna buy." Lola then went inside the house.

"That's it, Clyde! We gotta become entrepreneurs!" Lincoln said.

"Is that gonna hurt?" asked Clyde

Lincoln, ignoring Clyde's question, then asked him "Quick Clyde, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?"

Clyde then starts to think hard, and sweat "Uh... Lori's hand in marriage."

"No, something real, an item, something you would pay for." said Lincoln

"A chocolate bar?" guessed Clyde.

"That's a great idea, Clyde! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!" said Lincoln.

 _One shopping spree at Barg'N-Mart later._

Lincoln and Clyde are exiting Barg'N-Mart carrying many chocolate bars.

"Now time to put operation 'sell enough chocolate bars so we can live the fancy live and also come up with shorter name for this operation' into effect." said Lincoln.

 _Lincoln and Clyde then go up to Mr. Grouse's house._

"Alright Clyde, this is it! The first step on our road to living the fancy life! Just follow my lead!" said Lincoln.

Lincoln then knocks on the door and Mr. Grouse opens it.

"Good afternoon Mr. Grouse, could we interest you in some chocolate?" Lincoln asked holding up a chocolate bar.

"Chocolate? Did you say, Chocolate?!" asked Mr. Grouse.

"Yes sir. With or without nuts?" asked Clyde.

"Chocolate?! Chocolate?! CHOCOLAAATE! CHOCOLAAATE! CHOCOLAAATE!" Mr. Grouse was now screaming.

Lincoln and Clyde then slowly back away, and then run off. Mr. Grouse chases after them while screaming 'Chocolate!', you can tell, this wasn't a good first stop.

 _After losing Mr. Grouse._

Lincoln and Clyde then walk up to another house.

"Okay, Mr. Grouse didn't count. This is our real first step." said Lincoln.

Lincoln then rings the door bell and Luan's friend Benny opens it.

"Hey I know you, your Luan's little brother, Lincoln." said Benny

"Hello there..." started Lincoln, not knowing who Benny was.

"Benny's the name, and being an actor is my gain." Benny said while shaking both Lincoln and Clyde's hands.

"Well then good morning Benny, would you like to buy some chocolate?" asked Lincoln.

"Chocolate bars, eh?" questioned Benny.

"Yup, we are traveling chocolate bar salesmen." Lincoln told Benny.

"Ha a couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. " said Benny "That's no way of selling merchandise" Clyde is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants. "No, no, no wrong. You guys wanna be good sales men, right?"

"Yes sir!" Lincoln and Clyde said in unison.

Benny then chuckled a little bit "Well, No self respecting candy bar salesmen would be caught without one of these!" Benny then holds up a bright-orange bag.

"Wow... what is it?" asked Lincoln.

"It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-heads! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!" explained Benny. Lincoln then tries to touch the bag but Benny takes it away. "But I'm wasting my time" benny then walks inside "You guys don't need these bags."

"WE NEED THEM! WE NEED THEM!" pleaded Lincoln and Clyde.

Benny then grins at this.

Later we see Benny counting his money while Lincoln and Clyde are walking away with armfuls of bags.

"So long, boys! Happy hunting!" Benny then laughs at them once their gone. "Suckers!" Benny then walks back inside.

Lincoln and Clyde are running down Benny's lawn with goofy smiles and are singing "Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, laaa!"

"Let's try next door!" Lincoln suggested.

Lincoln then walks up and rings the door bell with his foot, and Benny answers.

"Yes?" asked Benny.

"Huh? Say aren't you the same guy who sold us these bags?" asked Lincoln.

"I... don't recall." said Benny "But it sounds like you two handsome fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my panted Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bag." Benny then holds up two large maroon bags.

"We'll take twenty!" said Clyde.

Later we see Lincoln and Clyde at Luna's girlfriend's , Sam, house.

Lincoln then knocks on said door.

"Oh what can i do for you little dude?" asked Sam.

"We're selling chocolate bars. Do you wanna have one?" asked Lincoln.

"That sounds great! I'll take one." said Sam.

"One chocolate bar, coming up!" said Lincoln.

Lincoln attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling out more bags, while Clyde is zipping and unzipping his pants.

Sam then looks at her watch "I don't have time for this. Tell Luna I said hi." Sam said walking back in her house.

Lincoln finally pulls out a chocolate bar "I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-" Lincoln didn't finish because he saw Mr. Grouse running towards them.

"CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!" yelled Mr. Grouse.

Lincoln and Clyde then run from Mr. Grouse.

 _Later, Lincoln and Clyde are eating at a Gus' Games n Grub._

"We're not doing so well, Clyde." Lincoln said while taking another bite of pizza "We need a new approach, a new tactic."

"I know, let's get naked for Lori!" suggested Clyde.

"No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate." Lincoln said, being thankful that today was Lori's day off "There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?"

"He said we were mediocre." Clyde said taking another bite from his pizza.

"That's it!" Lincoln said "He made us feel special!"

"Yeah he did" said Clyde "I'm gonna buy more bags!"

Clyde then runs out the door.

"No, wait Clyde!" Lincoln said as Clyde froze in place "Why don't we try being nice?"

"Okay." agreed Clyde.

Later Lincoln and Clyde are walking up y=to Lori's room.

"We'll be trying to whole nice scheme with my sisters to see if it works." Lincoln said "Remember Clyde, flatter the costumer. Maker her feel good."

Clyde then knocks on Lori's door. Lori then opens it.

"Hello?" asked Lori.

"I love you." said Clyde with googly eyes.

Luna is seen playing a harp behind Lincoln and Clyde , Lori stares at Lincoln and Clyde for a few seconds, then slams her door shut in extreme disgust, Luna then plays a tuba after the slamming.

"Go away Luna." said Lincoln. Luna then frowns and goes to her room. Lincoln then turns to Clyde and says "I think you laud it a teensy bit to thick there, old pal. let me try."

Lincoln knocks on the door as Lori opens it.

"Please for the love of God, just go away!" snapped Lori.

"Uh..." Lincoln then clears hgis throat "Hey Lori, how's it going/"

"How's it going?" questioned Lori

"Wanna buy some chocolate?" asked Lincoln.

"WE GOT HER NOW!" exclaimed Clyde.

"Sorry but chocolate is made out of sugar, and sugar causes acne, and acne is the worst thing to have in your teenage years." said Lori "Isn't that right lover boy?" Lori asks Clyde. Clyde puts his hands on his face with a worried expression. "As you can see me and chocolate no longer hang." Lori then hands Clyde a picture of her at age 13 with horrible acne. "You can keep that for five bucks."

"I'll take 10!" said Clyde.

Later Lincoln and Clyde are sitting in his room.

"We haven't sold one chocolate bar." complained Lincoln. "I got the feeling we're too easily distracted."

"Huh?" Clyde says while staring at Lori picture.

"Let's make a pact eight now that we will stay focused on selling at the next costumer." said Lincoln.

"Alright then." Clyde said still looking at the picture.

Lincoln sighs.

Lincoln and Clyde then go to Lynn and Lucy's's room.

"Remember Clyde, focus." ordered Lincoln.

Lincoln knocks on the door as Lynn answers.

"What up Linc?" said Lynn.

"Good afternoon, Lynn, wanna buy some chocolate?" asked Lincoln.

Clyde somehow moves up to Lynn with his eyes going in out and back forth.

"Why is Clyde staring at me?" asked Lynn.

"Focusing!" stated Clyde.

Lynn then freaks out "Back off, Clyde!" Lynn then slams the door on Clyde's eyes.

Clyde the looked around and said "Nice room you got here."

 _Later Lincoln and Clyde are walking outside._

"I can't understand what we're doing wrong." said Lincoln

"I don't understand much after those acne pics." said Clyde.

"There's something to this selling game we're just not getting. Other people do it. I mean look at that!" Lincoln then points to a billboard.

"Eat Chicken Chips their delicious." Clyde read off the billboard.

"They are most certainly not delicious!" said Lincoln.

"Not the way i use them." said Clyde.

"Yet they sell millions of bags a day!" said Lincoln.

"Well maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as much." said Clyde.

"That's it, Clyde! We've gotta stretch the truth!" stated Lincoln.

"CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!" said Mr. Grouse.

Lincoln and Clyde run off.

 _Later_

Lincoln and Clyde are walking over to the next house.

"Alright Clyde,here's the plan. I'll get this customer warmed up, then afterwards, and you'll come in for the kill." said Lincoln.

Lincoln rings the doorbell and a very pretty girl with black hair, fair skin, wearing a blue t shirt and black jeans, around Luna's age, answers.

"Yes?" said the girl.

"Hello, young lady." Lincoln then winks at Clyde, then chuckles. "We're selling chocolate." Lincoln then gets a closer look at the girl "Is your sister home?"

"HEY SIS!" called the girl.

The sister comes by, looking just as pretty as the girl. The sister looked to be around Lori's age, she had dark blonde hair, wearing a pink tank top, and was wearing grey shorts.

"What do you want?" asked the sister.

"They're selling chocolate." replied the Girl.

"They are?' asked the sister.

"Yeah!" said the girl.

"Chocolate. I remember when I had my first chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. I always hated it!"stated the sister.

Lincoln then starts to get nervious "Oh, but this chocolates not for eating. It's for..."

"You rub it on your hair, and it will smell beautiful forever." interrupted Clyde

"Smell beautiful forever you say? we'll take one!" said The sister

They each pay a dollar.

"Let's go rub our hair." said the sister.

"Comming!" said the girl

They then shut the door

"If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be living fancy in no time!" said Lincoln.

"Hooray for lying!" said Clyde.

 _Montage begins!_

"It'll make your hair grow!" Lincoln told his father Lynn Sr.

"Great! Rita's trying to grow a beard!" said Lynn Sr.

Cut to Lincoln at Leni's room.

"It'll make you sound smart." said Lincoln.

"I'll take 20!" said Leni.

Cut to CLyde.

"It'll stop yourself from getting any uglier." said Clyde.

"Just in time." said the Clyde look alike.

Cut to Lincoln and Clyde over and over.

"They'll make you fly!" said Lincoln.

"You'll fall in love!" said Clyde.

"They'll bring world peace!" said Lincoln.

"You'll walk through walls!" said Clyde

"You'll rule the world!" echoed Lincoln.

 _Cut to Lincoln and Clyde at another house._

Lincoln and Clyde are in casts and crutches.

"This'll be the best lie yet!" said Clyde.

"Yeah, this guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all our chocolate!" said Lincoln.

The customer then opens the door.

"What can i do for you?" asked the customer.

"Hello Mr. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation." said Lincoln.

The customer then comes out to show he is in a full body cast.

"What a small world." said the customer. Lincoln and Clyde looked stunned at him. "What's wrong with you guys?'

"We've got head trauma and internal bleeding." said Lincoln.

"Well some boys have all the luck. I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms." the customer says. Lincoln and Clyde look like their about to cry. "At night I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep."

The customer then falls down and breaks, well everything. Lincoln and Clyde then help him up to his bedroom.

"Oh you poor, poor man. Is there anything we can do to help you?" asked Lincoln

"Well, there is one thing... as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling... chocolate bars." said the customer pointing his eyes towards a lot of chocolate bars.

Lincoln and Clyde spend all their money on his chocolate bars and leave.

"Such nice boys." said the customer. He then takes off his cast to reveal he was Benny. "It does my heart good to con a couple of sukeroonies like those two! Ha ha ha!" Benny then laughed.

Meanwhile.

Lincoln and Clyde were walking down the street with a two boxes of chocolate.

"Don't get me wrong Clyde, it was great that we helped that man out, but there's no one lefty in town to sell chocolate to." said Lincoln "Let's admit it Clyde, we're failures."

"I can live with that." said Clyde

"Let's change our names to Why and Bother." suggested Lincoln.

Mr Grouse appears right behind them.

"CHOCOLATE!" Yelled Mr. Grouse as his scream makes Lincoln and Clyde fall over spilling their chocolate bars.

Lincoln and Clyde then plead for Mr. Grouse to spare them.

Mr. Grouse laughs maniacally. "Finally I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that i got you right where I want you..." Mr. Grouse then turns back to normal "I'd like to buy all your chocolate." Mr. Grouse then holds out a lot of cash.

Lincoln and Clyde are shocked at this. Lincoln then says "Thank you for you patronage."

Later Lincoln and Clyde are walking with a lot of money.

"Are we living the fancy life yet, Lincoln?" Clyde asked.

"Not yet pally! First, we got to spend all this money." said Lincoln.

"But what are we going to spend it on?" asked Clyde.

Lincoln then thinks on it.

 _Cuts to a fancy restaurant at night_

Lola and Lynn Sr. were at a fancy restaurant for some father daughter bonding time.

"Good evening sir." Lynn Sr. says to the server. "Table for two, please."

"Sorry, but the restaurant has been rented to a private party." said the Server.

"What! But it's my only night to be fancy." complained Lola "Grr, who's the person who rented the whole restaurant?"

"Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs and their dates." the server told Lola.

Cuts to Lincoln, Clyde, the Girl, and her Sister at a table.

"So how long have you two ladies known each other?' asked Lincoln.

"A really long time." said the Sister.

 **Thanks for reading. Also let me know which Spongebob episode you want me remake with Loud House characters I should do next. Now If you'll excuse i gotta go. This is Issac Flores signing out.**


End file.
